When couples get married, few do so with the idea that they will eventually divorce. However, divorce is a common occurrence in the U.S. According to the American Psychological Association, between 40% and 50% of marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for couples in second or subsequent marriages is even higher.
Conflict is a part of every marriage. People who are in happy and successful marriages understand that they must work through conflict that arises so that they can grow in their relationships and as individuals. When problems are not addressed, they can fester and lead to the erosion of marriages. By recognizing the signs that your marriage is troubled, you can assess whether you can work through the problems to save your marriage or if you should instead consider getting a divorce. Here are seven signs from experts that a Carmel family law attorney believes mean a marriage might be over.
1. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
In every marriage, sexual desire will change over time. When people are newly married, they may have a much stronger sexual desire than they might later on in their marriages. Some couples have differences in their sexual desire, with one partner wanting sex much less frequently than the other.
After couples have children, women's desire may decrease more significantly than that of men. Couples need to be able to work through these types of differences to remain emotionally and physically connected. When sexual intimacy is non-existent, it can spell trouble for a marriage.
If you are repulsed by the thought of sex with your spouse or are secretly getting your needs fulfilled with someone else, you will have serious problems in your marriage. Over time, a lack of sexual intimacy can spell the end of a marriage.
2. Frequently Feeling Angry with Your Spouse
It is normal to feel anger towards your spouse occasionally. However, if you find that you are continuously feeling anger towards your spouse, it is not a good sign for the health of your marriage. If you are married to a spouse who is constantly angry at you, it is also a problem.
Ongoing anger in a marriage may be related to external or internal issues. If this type of anger is not resolved, it can ruin a marriage. In situations in which constant anger turns into physical or emotional abuse, it is time for you to end your marriage. No one deserves to be a victim of domestic violence, and domestic violence can worsen over time.
If you are experiencing spousal abuse, it is crucial for you to leave and go to a safe place with your children. A family law attorney can help you to find a shelter and to secure a restraining order if necessary. He or she may also be able to file a motion for child support while your divorce is pending.
3. Dreading Spending Alone-Time Together
When people are in new relationships, they may find themselves hanging on each others' words and wanting to spend time with each other as much as possible. People who have been married for some time will lose the feelings of newness and excitement that they initially experienced.
While a degree of boredom is common, feeling as if you dread the thought of spending time alone with your spouse is not normal. If you feel like this, you should think about the reasons why you do. You could simply need some time to yourself to appreciate what your spouse has to offer.
If you feel that you don't want to go home from work or dread weekends when your children are away, it could be a sign that your marriage might be headed for a divorce.
4. Lack of Respect
For any relationship to work, the spouses must respect each other. While you may not have to always agree with your spouse, you should respect his or her values and choices. Respect in a marriage is fundamental. If you are contemptuous of your partner or dismiss his or her feelings, it can ruin your marriage.
You should recognize that every person is wired differently, and you should not approach your partner as if he or she needs to change what makes him or her unique. When there is a lack of respect, it can lead to a divorce.
5. Lack of Trust
Like respect, trust is a building block of a good relationship. When spouses do not trust each other, their marriages may be in trouble. A spouse who cheats will have to earn back his or her spouse's trust. If your spouse has been unfaithful, you will need to decide whether you are willing to work on rebuilding your trust or if you cannot do so.
If your spouse has accepted responsibility for his or her behavior and has made positive changes, you will have to let the past go if you want to keep your marriage intact.
6. Disliking Your Spouse
If you find that you no longer like your spouse and do not enjoy his or her company, your marriage is likely in real trouble. If you are unable to identify your spouse's good qualities and cannot stand being in your spouse's company, you should spend some time thinking about what is happening.
You could have unrealistic expectations about marriage. Attending couples therapy might allow you to determine whether your marriage is salvageable or if it might be time to move on.
7. Visions of the Future Do Not Include Your Spouse
If your dreams about your future do not include your spouse, your marriage might be over. It is common for marriages to end in divorce after the last child leaves because the marriages have been held together by the children. If your future dreams do not include your spouse, you and your spouse may be on different paths.
Dealing with the end of a marriage can be stressful and overwhelming. If you are thinking about getting divorced, you might want to consult with a Carmel family law attorney before you make your decision. The attorneys at Hollingsworth | Roberts | Means can answer your questions about child support, divorce, child custody, property division, and other related issues.